When my son Akshay finally decided to get married, I was overjoyed. It was a dream come true, so it was but natural, that I wanted to celebrate the wedding in a very big way, to commemorate this momentous occasion. The engagement was a whirlwind event agreed, planned, and executed in close to 3 days. This was back in Nov’22.
The D-date was fixed for the second week of March’23 and in my mind, we had a good 3 months to plan everything to the minute detail. Typical of me I wanted to be involved every step of the way. Being a perfectionist, you would know what happens to the lot of us, we have very high expectations, almost bordering on becoming a prisoner to one’s own personality. It is a life of only doing and never being in the moment. Eventually one ends up focusing on the destination, but never the journey.
A destination wedding was on the cards, being a Marwari from Rajasthan, Udaipur scored over Sri Lanka. Then what I knew would be a mad rush started and one of the firsts was to identify the perfect venue. Several trips to Udaipur “The City of Lakes” and slowly the skeletal plan started taking shape. There was so much to be planned virtual invites, rituals, ceremonies, guest lists, invitation cards, gifts, clothes, jewelry, flight plans, hotel accommodation, food menu, reception venue, decoration, entertainment etc.
Life has a strange way of throwing a spanner in the works and the next two months were marred by serious business-related issues, personal health concerns, an operation gone wrong for a close family member, a demise of a near one and the funeral. I was torn between rejoicing at the fact that my son was getting married or grieving for all the above. It was a strange mind space to be in and very difficult to explain to someone, unless they are going through the same journey with you.
The actual work began in the month of February and the reception invites which should have gone out much earlier went out only by the 23rd of the month. What was to be planned over a span of 3 months got crunched into 20 odd days. In front of us was a mega plan which included a weeklong celebration from 6th – 12th March with 19 events, close to 21 meals hosted and 7 gifts for the invitees. It was indeed mindboggling to imagine how things had panned out into this larger-than-life band, baaja, baraat.
As the date drew closer and the work started mounting, so did my anxiety level which were directly proportional to the race to get everything ready and sorted out. I slowly turned into a nervous wreck, like a cat on a hot tin roof as my anxiety levels started skyrocketing.
Now when I sit back and think about it, it was almost comical missing an important flight with the wedding planners to Udaipur, because we didn’t check the time on our boarding cards or major last-minute issues with the family’s trousseau for the wedding. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong. Murphy’s Laws were in full play. By 9th morning I was in a supremely foul mood and felt like nothing was going as planned. To a perfectionist’s eye everything was haywire and topsy turvy.
I don’t know if it was someone’s blessings or some payback from my past life karma, but I experienced what for me, was a life altering event. Deepak Bhai Bardoli a very well-known personality in the Jain community and world renowned for his discourses on Jainsim had joined us for the wedding ceremony in Udaipur. As part and parcel of the events he had consented to conduct a Satsang for the guests on 9th morning, a day, short of the actual wedding ceremony. He read out a poem called “Khushi ki Khoj” literally translated to “In the pursuit of happiness”. I have posted the poem below for your reference.
ख़ुशी की खोज
जो न मिला मुझे , उसके दुःख में ,
जो मिला, उसे क्यों भूल जाऊं ;
दुःख के चुल्लू-भर पानी में ,
अपनी ख़ुशी की दुनिया, क्यों डूबाऊँ।
कंही न कही, कुछ तो , कम रहेगा ही,
कुछ न कुछ, पहुँच से दूर, रहेगा ही,
क्यों, हर घड़ी उसी की शिकायत करती जाऊं ,
क्यों, जीवन में, स्वयं काटे बोती जाऊ।
जो चाहा, यदि सब मिल जाता ,
तो फिर चाहने को , क्या रह जाता ;
और चाहे बगैर, जीवन भी क्या रह जाता,
ईश-कृपा से मिला, उसी में मगन हो जाऊं।
अपनी पीड़ा को, इतना क्यों सहलाऊं,
की अणु जैसी वह, विराट शिला बन जाये ;
क्यों अपनी पीड़ा में, इतनी डूब जाऊं,
की, किसी दूसरे के ‘आंसू’ देख ही न पाऊ
As I registered the words, they had a calming effect on me. It was as if rain had brought relief to the parched earth. What a transformational impact it had on me. It was as if I had, had a heart attack and a doctor had appeared out of nowhere, administered CPR and revived me. I could feel all my anxiety melt away and suddenly a heavy weight lifted off my shoulders.
To this moment I am unable to comprehend how one episode can alter the entire space. A magician had waved his wand and it was a turning point and I actually started living in the moment. I owe everything to this magician and his Satsang, because God had found a way to help me understand and unwind for enjoying one of the most precious events of my life.
After that it was one giant joy ride. All the ceremonies went without a hitch. I was actually able to be with my family, friends and close colleagues enjoying the moment rather than the bag of worries I had become. Have left some photos for you to judge for yourself. While Jab Akshay Met Shrishti was a new beginning for my son and his lovely bride, it taught me a huge lesson. A lesson which is a no brainer and everyone knows it “To Live in the Moment”. However, it is only when one goes through such experiences can one appreciate the true meaning of these words. I am so thankful for learning yet another important life skill which is a keepsake.
Opinions in this piece belong to: Ramesh Kumar Shah
Ramesh Kumar Shah is the founder of the RK Group, founder of RK Trust (rktrust.in) and co-founder of Harvard Business School Angels of India. Apart from being a businessman, he is keenly involved in making as much of a difference in people’s lives as he can.
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